Celebrating romantic love in the Regency era

The Regency was a time in which romantic love was celebrated. While money and social status were important considerations when it came to marriage, ideally love would also be in the mix.

It was increasingly understood that finding harmony and compatibility through shared interests and values led to more stable marriages.

Courting the right or wrong person could make or break reputations and fortunes. A young, single woman's imperative was to find a husband, while protecting her all-important reputation. It was down to the gentleman to do the work of wooing and winning a wife.

However, in an age with a rigid class and social structure, it was important to marry someone from a similar background in order to uphold the social status quo and to ensure that wealth, status and power remained in the hands of the elite.

Money itself wasn't enough. Background, education and familial lineage were just as, if not more, important.

The 18th-century marriage season

The London marriage season was the most important opportunity for young people to meet a suitable partner and form an attachment.

In the period between roughly October and late June, wealthy and aristocratic families would descend on the capital while parliament was in session. MPs and those who sat in the House of Lords were confined to the city in order that they could attend daily meetings, vote on the issues of the day and generally get on with the business of government. Many men (and they were all men) would bring their families with them to town.

The 'London season' grew in response to this influx of the upper-class people who needed to be entertained. 

By the late 18th century, the London season was firmly established as a marriage market for the children of the elite.

Young women of around 17 or 18 were launched into society with a formal presentation to the monarch at the royal court.

This would often take place at Queen Charlotte's Ball, held annually from 1780 to celebrate the queen's birthday. Here, young women would take it in turns to curtsey to the queen, who stood beside an enormous birthday cake. 

Over the months that followed, young people would attend a whirlwind round of balls, assemblies, performances, concerts and sporting events in the hopes of finding a suitable marriage partner.

The most active part of the season was the period between Easter and when parliament adjourned for the summer, usually in July or August.

After the close of the parliamentary session, elite families would leave London and return to their country estates or might visit a spa such as Bath or Cheltenham, or a fashionable seaside town like Brighton or Weymouth, where there were further opportunities to make a good match.

Chaperones: the fiction and the reality

While Bridgerton's Colin and Penelope regularly meet without a chaperone, in the Regency, a young unmarried woman was never alone in the company of gentleman outside her family circle.

In a time when modesty was considered one of the most important female virtues, it was not enough for a woman to be chased, she had to be seen to be so.

Except for a walk to church or in the vicinity of their home in the early morning, a young woman could not even go out without an appropriate companion. Under no circumstances could a young woman call upon a gentleman alone unless consulting him on a professional matter.

If a gentleman were to call on a young woman at home, he would do so during the family's 'at home' hours, when her mother, aunt or other chaperone would be present.

Chaperones were usually older female relatives, but a female friend would sometimes fulfil this role, or for short walks and horseback rides, a trusted maid or groom might serve as an appropriate companion to protect a young woman's reputation.

At social events, a chaperone was there to safeguard a woman's modesty and reputation and to protect her from fortune hunters, rakes and seducers, while also manoeuvring their charge toward an advantageous marriage. 

While in an ideal world, a young couple would not find themselves alone until the gentleman had proposed, in reality, those courting took every opportunity to sneak a few minutes alone together.

The secret language of fans

Like everything else in Regency courtship, conversation between unmarried couples was guided by a strict set of rules.

Advice in conduct manuals instructed young women to listen intently and not to talk too much. Conversations, conducted in public under the watchful eye, and ear, of a chaperone were intended to display one's polite manners and knowledge of the civilised codes of behaviour.

So, when it came to flirting, young men and women found ways to communicate without using words. Women could let their fan do the talking.

Fans were a staple fashion accessory for affluent women in the Georgian period and where and how a fan was carried could form part of coded 'language,' used to convey emotions and desires.

For example,

• holding your fan in your left hand showed that you wished to make the acquaintance of the person at whom the fan was waved
• drawing the fan across your forehead meant you and your admirer were being watched
• touching the fan to your cheek signalled that you loved the other person.

In his colourful autobiography, Casanova, the famous Italian philanderer described how women would use their fans to try to attract his attention, by signalling, gesturing, beckoning or even hitting him with their fans.

One Georgian commentator wrote that: 'There is an infinite Variety of Motions to be made use of in the Flutter of a Fan'
and that:
'Women are armed with fans as men are with swords and sometimes do more executions with them.'

Other secret love messages from the Regency era

Wooing couples might exchange a variety of romantic gifts while courting.

The onus was principally on the male suitor. A gentleman might give his sweetheart his portrait miniature or silhouette, a specially mixed perfume or book with passages underlined, so that the couple could test whether they were literally on the same page.

Gifts given by women were usually handmade: an embroidered handkerchief, waistcoat or a watch chain made from her plaited hair.

The act of making demonstrated her virtue and accomplishment, as well as her investment in the relationship through the time and effort she dedicated to it. When a gentleman wore such a handcrafted creation in public, it signalled to the world the seriousness of the courtship. 

The progress of a Regency courtship could be tracked through the succession of gifts given.

A lock of hair was a particularly symbolic gift. Literally cut from the body, like everlasting love, it did not fade or decay over time. To exchange locks of hair was a sure sign of an impending engagement.

The Georgians set locks of hair into an assortment of jewellery including buttons, brooches, lockets, bracelets, and rings, often intricately plaited and studded with tiny seed pearls, or even cut up to make delicate hair-work paintings.

If couples could successfully navigate the complex world of Regency dating, reputations intact, they might just get their happily-ever-after.